About Me

So, today in school I had my private tutoring lesson with a student named Kelly. She is a very smart 6th grade girl and we have wonderful converstations with one another. Today's topic that she had to research was "Favorite Movies" and "Used to..." Every class I give her two topics that she must research for homework, she comes into class and we discuss the topics together. It is great because I get to learn a lot about her and about Korea. And she gets experience having conversations with an English speaker.

I always get SUPER excited when a student talks about a movie I have actually seen because we get to have a real discussion on the topic. Well, her favorite movie was 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' (the new one with Johnny Depp.) So we discussed the movie and wrote on the board the plot, what happens to each child, and what happens in the end of the story. Her favorite part was when Charlie and his family moved into Willy Wonkas factory. It was evident by the fact she could explain the majority of the movie that it is a movie she has seen several times!!!

I then got to share with her one of my favorite movies of all time. 'The Notebook' <3 This is my favorite movie ever!!! As I was explaining to her (in the PG) version of what happened she was getting extremely excited, with "oh no's" and "why." You could see the true disappointment on her face when I told her that Allie and Lon get engaged. She was like "no teacher." I thought I was doing and excellent job at explaining the movie to her and she seemed so excited about it. So, I wanted to talk about this movie today.

"Well that's what we do, we fight. You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing. So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day."

This is my favorite part of the whole movie. That quote above. I just feel like this story is the epitime of true love. That someone would love you so much that even though you don't remember them they will always stay with you. I always hoped when I was younger watching this movie that I would find my Noah. And it is save to say I have <3 It makes me so happy to know that I have true love <3

All I can say is that although this love has been hard at times and we've had to work at it. Work on ourselves as people, and on ourselves as a couple. But, we have gotten to a really good place in our relationship. I had someone tell me this weekend "I miss the old Stephanie, the crazy, wild, extremely fun Stephanie." And I said, "but there isn't anything wrong with this Stephanie."

And you know what I'm realizing. That is incredibly true. I said, this Stephanie is married, has an amazing husband, a good job, is doing something she always dreamed of doing and is extremely happy. Maybe I am different now, but that isn't a bad thing. I'm incredibly happy with the person I have become. And this person said "you've grown up a lot." And I said "yes, I have." And it's a good thing too!!!

I know there are people out there who don't think it's a good thing and wish I was still the "crazy" Stephanie I used to be. But, what i've realized is that person was always just trying to be like other people and to make other people like me. I've made all these new changes for myself and for no one else. Although this last weekend was a little rough, it was worth it. I learned a lot about myself and what I want in my life. And that it's okay!!!

So, for anyone out there who misses the old Stephanie. I just ask that you try and get to know the new one. Because, I think she is pretty awesome.

That's all. I know this is all over the place, but that is how my thoughts normally come out. Good night all <3

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day!!!!

Today was Valentines Day here <3 It was a good day. I woke up this morning to Cody making me Breakfast in bed. It was super sweet. Then he surprised me with a box of chocolates and the kissy pen I wanted from Dunkin Donuts. It is pen with a set of lips at the top. When  you hit it on something it lights up and says "I love you ." Everytime we went into dunking I hinted that I wanted it. And bam...there it was. <3 

Then I had to go to work. I got my kids some candy for the special occasion and made them little goodie bags. With my younger kids we did an arts and crafts activity. Heres a pic:

   

The kids seemed to really enjoy the activity. Then we played "Kindergarten Yathzee." Each student gets a piece of paper with the numbers 2-12 on it. Then they roll a pair of dice. I made them count in English and then they put an X through the number. The first to get all numbers wins!!! They really liked it and it helps practice counting which is good. Especially at the younger ages. 

Overall, it was a good Valentines Day. I'm pretty tired and when I get home from work I will cuddle in bed with my wonderful husband. I just want the entire world to know how much I love him. He is an amazing man and I don't know what I would do without him. I love you <3 

<3 ~ Happy Valentines Day ~ <3  

 

~ Friendship ~

This concept has been difficult for me my entire life. My entire childhood, teenage years, and into most of my now adulthood I have constantly lost myself. I have constantly tried so hard to be accepted by people that I am willing to put my own happiness aside. I was always willing to change the things that I believed in and the things that I felt most strongly about. My opinions on so many things, including the most important things in my life. I don't know when it happened or why I allowed it to happen but somewhere along the way I became so entirely lost I didn't even know who I was. I didn't know what it was that made me happy or even the type of person I wanted to be.

I don't know if that is something we ever truly learn in this world. Who we are entirely, I mean it is constantly changing. Our dreams, our aspirations, what we truly want in the world. But, some fundamentals should always stay the same. Our values, the things we feel most passionate about. For example, for me I have always had a strong sense that in this world everyone is different, we can't expect everyone to be the same. And we don't need to hate other people for being different. We need to find a common ground and learn how to respect other peoples cultures, customs and beliefs. It has always been something I felt strongly about that is something I will always feel strongly about.

But, what I really want to ponder is this idea of friendship. I think for so many years i've just always tried to be what other people wanted me to be. So no one in my life has ever gotten to know the real me. Heck, I don't even know who the real me is half the time. I'm getting closer to that now though and I know what I want out of my life. Not what others what for me but what I truly want. And it is a comforting feeling. But, what to make of theses friendships, friendships that were perhaps made on a superficial level?

I have people in my life I truly care about, some people I have always considered my best friends. But, it seems like some of them couldn't care less about that friendship. I have always been willing to give and give to people. Anytime they needed me I would be there for them. And I know being a friend isn't just what you get out of a friendship and you should never expect anything from a person. But, when you feel like you are making 100% of the effort just to be continously dissapointed when do you just begin to give up? When do you just let go and cut the ties?

And then there is the above quote, "Never lose yourself while trying to hold onto someone who doesn't care about losing you." It is so true, there is such a large part of me that feels as if this person could care less if I walked out of their life. It's like the I have choosen to live no longer fits neatly into the person they wanted me to be. They seem bored in my presence and it makes a person feel really crappy. So when do you let it go? When do you say enough is enough?

That is where I am right now and it is extremely difficult having these feelings. Because I care deeply for the person. And for such a long time I have tried to fit into their lifestyle. And now, I am no longer doing that. I am happy with the lifestyle I have and I just feel like this person and I are drifting further and further apart. It's just difficult to deal with.

So on that note, I am heading to bed I am tried and have to work out in the morning!!! Good night all <3

~ Dreams ~

First I would like to share some pictures from Sunday. My husband and I decided to take a walk through the park that is across the street from our apartment complex. It was a wonderful day for a hike. The weather was beautiful and there was still some snow on the ground to make it feel like a wintry day. Here are some of the photos from our day. . .

The Bridge <3

My Love and I <3

Pavillion in the Park <3

That is by far my favorite park here in Korea (that I have been to at least). It has a few pavillions in it, ponds, lakes, fountains, tons of hiking trails, a running trail along the river and much more. It truly is amazing and beautiful. I'm so glad Cody and I have that place to go.

Now onto the topic of ~Dreams~. I was thinking of this last night as I was falling asleep (I couldn't sleep that well.) We all have dreams, some are far more extensive then others. But my question is, how do you decide which dreams to persue and which dreams to let go of. Is there a way to know what you are going to regret more. Because it is nearly impossible to reach for all of our dreams.

I had a teacher in high school who was truly amazing. She taught us more then just global studies, she taught us how to open our minds and take in different worlds. She taught us that it is okay to disagree with someone and that our opionions may not always be right. And that even though we don't agree with the other person, that doesn't mean we don't need to still treat them with respect. I think this was one of the most important things I learned in H.S and I'm still trying to this day to follow those lessons she taught me.

she also taught me to follow your dreams whatever that dream may be. That what is most important in life is to be happy with whatever decision you make. When I was thinking of taking this journey to Korea she was one of the first people I discussed it with. I asked her what she thought of it and she was so excited for me. Willing to help me in whatever way I needed. She wrote me a letter of recommendation and has continued to send me words of encouragement throughout my journey.

But, I think what else she taught me is that our dreams don't need to be as large as traveling the world, or living abroad, our dreams can be as simple as owning a house, having children and settling down. Those dreams are okay too, as long as you are happy. As long as that is what you want. Which is where I am right now...I have so many dreams and so many different things that I want to do in my life.

In that global studies class 10 years ago this teacher awakened something for me. A love for the world that we live in. I want to go to the places that history happened, Italy, Greece, Ireland, England, Egypt. I want to see these places. I want to experience it first hand, not just looking at them in a book. So much of me wants to look into living abroad again, look into Italy because that is the one place I would want to live more then anything. But, if I was to do that my husband wouldn't come with me.

This year has been hard for us, has made us realize a lot of things other then our love for travel, which brings me to my next dream. I want to go back home to the U.S. build a house on his parents land. Find a good job working monday - friday. Allow Cody to take more oppurtunity to sell pictures and get his name out there. And then start a family. So much of me wants this dream too.

It's amazing because leaving the U.S. and leaving my hometown I never thought I'd want to go back. I've heard so many people say once you leave you will never want to go back. But, for me it has been the complete opposite. I'm realizing how amazing that small town really is. Yes, some of the people may be close minded, but that doesn't mean I have to be. Besides, you will get that any place you go to live. I love that town. I love the way I feel when I walk the 2 mile loop, when I see familiar things from growing up. There are so many good memories and that is where my family is. And, i've learned how much I love and miss them by being away.

So how do you decide what to do? Which dream is the one that should be persued? I think that my History teacher would tell me to choose the one that will make me the happiest. It's not about how extravagant the dream is. I don't have to be like other people who continue to travel. My dreams are just as important and significant as theirs. And, I will be so happy when I make that decision <3

Thank you Rebecca Utter for being such an inspiration <3



New Chapter

So, I've made a new decision in my life and I'm pretty excited about it. First, I deactivated my facebook account. I spent about 2 weeks not on the site and my life became 100% better. I was less stressed, I was spending more time with my husband, I was feeling better about my life and what I have. So I went back to it, saying i'd only get on once a day. Well, that failed misearably. I feel right back into the facebook addiction. So, I finally decided that I was just going to completely deactivate my account.

I've realized something about this 'facebook' epidemic. Although it is a great way to keep in touch with family and friends (especially when you are so far away from each other) it also makes people feel badly about their own lifes. How many times have you looked at someone elses facebook profile and thought "I wish I had that life." It is human nature to be competitive and to compare ourselves to others on a daily basis. Add in the facebook aspect where people can control what they make their life look like and you have a whole new venue of comparisions.

If you go on and read the news you see articles about how facebook causes increased depression and I agree with this 100%. You look at someone who may have a "better" life then you and you start realizing all of the things that you don't have. Instead of taking in everything that you do. I was doing this, I was looking at peoples pages and thinking, wow look how happy they are, look how many friends they have. Oh, they look so happy. And was not allowing myself to see all of the things that I have.

So let's list them.

1.) I have an AMAZING husband. He would do anything for me. He takes such good care of me and loves me so much. He is the number one reason i've decided to get rid of facebook. Our relationship has become so much stronger and better since i've let go of the stresses of facebook.

1.) I'm living in an amazing country. Although sometimes I miss my family terrible. I took that step to start this journey. And yes, it has been difficult sometimes but, I am finishing what I started and honestly I am loving being about to do the traveling.

3.) I have an amazing family. I miss them all so much, but they are truly amazing. I have great parents, my sisters and so many other people that I totally love and miss terribly!!!!

4.) I have the three best animals in the world. They are like my children and I love them more then anything <3

5.) I have good friends. Although it may not be as many friends as some, the small group of friends I have are truly amazing. Some from back home I miss terribly, and the ones who are here I love you <3

So basically, I decided to get off because I want to focus on the good things in my life. And on top of that I'm so tired of seeing other peoples drama!!! So, for my own sanity and for my own well being. I've stopped using it. Not only will it be good for a destresser but it will also make me see who my true friends are. It will be those people who reach out to me in an email or send me a skype message. Because facebook is such a superficial friendship. It makes it easy for people to send a simple comment. But, when they are forced to take a little extra effort are they going to take that step. So, we shall see how that works out too.

My second step in my new chapter is to stop drinking. This decision came after NYE. I just realized after that night that drinking wasn't as important as the people in my life. I hurt someone that night with my words and actions and I am never going to do that again. So, I stopped. I haven't been out drinking since that night. And that has been amazing for me and my husband. We have so much more money left over at the end of the month as i'm not spending useless money on alcohol. And, it has made our relationship 100X's stronger. It is one of the best decisions I have ever made. And it was my decision. He never asked me to stop, I just came to that conclusion on my own. I feel healthier and happier since making that decision.

So, I'm a "new" but still the same old Stephanie. Just with some slight improvements. I'm seeing what is most important in my life. I have a great life. And i'm loving living it. I challenge others to get off of facebook. Even if it is just for 2 weeks. See what kind of changes it can make in your life. Will it have positive or negative influences for you??? Let me know!!!

I will post again soon. Hope everyone is doing well <3 xoxo

Long Time No Talk

Well, it has indeed been some time since I last updated this blog. Sorry for the length of time it has taken me to get back on here. Been a busy girl, and then some things unexpectedly happened in my family. 

I went to Malaysia for our Christmas Vacation. One week on a tropical Island traveling around to see many different places. It was an amazing adventure. However, we didn't have enough time and I do wish that I had only visited 2 places to allow myself more time to explore. We arrived on Langkawi Christmas Eve. When we got to the hotel we found out they were having a complementary buffet dinner for all guests. This was possible the best information we heard as we were exhausted from traveling since 5am and wanted to just eat and then relax for the evening. They had an amazing buffet dinner with some delicious food. 

The next day we were going to rent motorbikes and ride around the Island only to find out we needed our drivers license. (guess we should've thought of that) We had left them at home thinking "we have our passports and alien registration cards we won't need anything else." So, we ended up going to the cable car and going SUPER high in the air up this SUPER tall mountain. It was such an amazing view. We stayed there for the majority of the day. 

We then headed to Penang which was again beautiful <3 Probably my favorite part of the entire trip. Next to our hostel was a street market which had any kind of food you wanted there. We had the most AMAZING Hawaiian pizza there!!!! The next day we went to the national park there and hiked in the Rainforest. What an adventure. We found monkeys and this HUGE Asian Water Monitor Lizard. Seriously, it was as big as I was. Hiking in the rainforest was both exciting and scary. We walked to this AMAZING beach you could only get to by hiking or boat. So there wasn't a lot of people which is how I like my beaches.

Our last leg of the trip was Kaula Lumpur. Big city, lots of lights, traffic and people. At this point I had the worst sunburn I've ever had in my life and being outside during the day was nearly impossible as it hurt me to have any sunlight on my skin. So that evening we went to the Petronas Twin Towers. These things were absolutely AMAZING!!!! In the night, all lit up. Some amazing architecture created an amazing design. And then it was time for home. 

Since then a lot has happened back home that kind of put me in a funk here in Korea. We had some family members unexpectedly pass away so we kind of have laid off on exploring. However, I need to tell myself that this is my time and I can't let anything stand in the way of that. 

The weather has finally turned and we had our first real snowfall that stuck. It is soooooo cold outside!!!! However, this weekend is supposed to be in the upper 30's range close to 40's. We plan on visiting a museum and doing some shopping!!!! Hope that everyone from home is doing well. We miss you all <3 

xoxo