Bad Guys

Why do girls like bad guys? This is a question that has been asked by so many different people and has received a lot of different answers and opinions. I was pondering this question after going to dinner and a movie with a friend of mine and her current boyfriend. As I was sitting there enjoying my dinner and company of some good friends I was astonished by her boyfriends attitude. I just kept thinking to myself "Is he really saying that?" And finally asked the question to my husband "how can she stay with him? He treats her like crap and is a complete a**hole!"

This got me thinking this week, why do girls like these bad guys? You know the type I'm talking about. We've all had our own personal experience with this type of guy. Full of himself, doesn't care who he offends or what other people think of him, emotionally unavailable and always keeping you just within arms reach. He makes you feel completely unsure of yourself and your entire relationship. But, he gives you "just enough" to hang on to see what could happen. These are the types of guys who can break your heart over and over again, let you down time and time again, and yet as woman we continue to not only go back to this type of man but to also find more just like him.

There is the saying "nice guys finish last." But, why is that? So many times talking with my girlfriends I hear them say, "why can't I just find a nice guy?" Now, when you hear "nice guy" you get another image into your head. The one who calls just to say he misses you, he holds open the care door, he holds your hand, he is willing to give you anything you want. Sounds almost perfect right? The kind of guy every girl wishes she could find, and yet when she does find him it's just not enough. What's missing? Why do we push this fantastic guy away? That is the question I've been dwelling on this week.

I look at my own experiences and decisions in life when it comes to relationships. I dated plenty of "bad guys." The ones who let me down, treated me like dirt, but I continued to go back to time and time again. I had a few of those situations in life and one in particular that stands out. This guy was the epitome of "emotionally unavailable." He kept me just within arms reach, just close enough so when he wanted me I was there, but far enough away that when he was sick of me he could push me aside. But, time and time again I went back to this same person. Even though I knew he would never change. What was it about that relationship?

Part of me thinks it was the chase. And at times I felt I wasn't good enough to deserve someone who would treat me right. I had extremely low self-esteem and self worth. This fed into the relationship. It fed into the illusion that I didn't deserve anyone else.

On the complete opposite end of that I had another relationship at a younger age. He was the "nice guy." He was the one I was always 'just friends' with. He was a sweetheart, always listening to my rants about how 'so and so' hurt me that week. He listened, was sensitive and sweet. At one point I decided to give this person a chance. But, there wasn't enough drama, he gave me too much and was honest about his feelings for me. Completely different from the other person. So, I eventually gave this guy up and in the process lost one of my best friends.

I honestly believe much of this is attributed to drama. I wrote a previous post on this topic. How we feed off drama, how we can not live without some sort of drama in our life. With the 'bad guy' we always have drama. We are constantly in a conflict unsure of where we stand in the relationship. With the good guy though, there isn't anything to stress over, therefore leaving us with no drama. We don't know how to handle these situations so then we begin to create drama. We begin causing problems in the relationship to have something to complain about. Something to stress over. This eventually will lead to the end of a perfectly healthy relationship. So why do we do it?

I've found some interesting facts on the subject. These 'bad guys' exhibit traits that many woman find attractive including confidence, humor and good social skills. This guy is up for anything and always willing to try new adventures and bring you along for the ride. It's exciting and intriguing and along the way you know 'this guys isn't good for me' but you continue with the relationship.

I read that woman like challenges, they like to think they can "fix" this man and turn him into everything that she dreams he should be. She accepts this challenge and throughout the relationship thinks "I'll be the one who can help him settle down and work through all of his commitment issues." But, along the way they just get strung along, consistently being let down and disappointed when plans are broken and she is continuously put second to everyone else.

This is a lesson we must all learn. You can not "fix" this man. This man isn't ready to settle down. He isn't ready to have that kind of a relationship. If he was he wouldn't continue to hurt you. It's not to say that this man intentionally wants to hurt us. I don't think his intentions when joining the relationship is to break your heart and drag it through the ground. I think that our expectations are too high in these relationships. We meet this man and think "he could be the one." Instead of being realistic and honest with ourselves. We need to start knowing our own self-worth and know that this is not what we deserve that we deserve better than what he has to give.

At some point along the way I was able to do this. I was finally able to meet the 'nice guy' who was right for me. He treated me with respect, he was open and honest, and willing to give me anything. He opened my car door, he surprised me with flowers, he called to say he loved me and to tell me good night. He told me when he missed me, he told me exactly how he felt on a daily basis. This man eventually became my husband.

At first I wasn't going to give him the time of day, I was going to pass up the opportunity to spend time with him. And I'm so thankful I didn't pass that up. He is a great man who I both love and respect. He has shown me that I'm better than I ever thought I could be. So many of my friends say "I wish I could find a guy like your husband." I know how lucky I am to be with a man like this. And I'm so glad I gave him a chance and didn't just toss him aside.

To all the single ladies, I just want to say, respect yourself enough to know that these 'bad guys' aren't worth your time. They may seem like a fun time. Something exciting and new. But, in the end they will only leave you feeling worse about yourself. They will leave you heartbroken and asking the question "why can't I just find a nice guy."

To end this I'd just like to thank my husband for showing me what a loving and respectful relationship is like. For never making me have to guess his feelings and for loving me despite all my faults. You are an amazing man <3

Love

What is love? This is a feeling many people have discussed, wrote books on, is portrayed in movies and songs, as well as being eloquently written in poetry. It is an amazing phenomenon that many people do not understand. If you ask 100 people what love is, you could potentially receive 100 different answers. This does not mean one persons definition is better than another.

I believe love is all based on the individual. It is a feeling that can be interpreted in many different ways, constantly being redefined. Even within our own lives love is constantly changing. The love we experience as children and teens is completely different then the love we experience as adults. This isn't to say the love we experience at a younger age isn't real. At that point in ones life it is a real emotion and experience. These feelings are often not forgotten and help prepare us for a future, more mature relationship.

As we enter into adulthood our definition of love changes. Along with many others things. We begin to redefine ourselves and the other people in our life's. We begin to try new things and mold into an entirely new person.

Our friendships no longer revolve around who has the coolest clothes or who we played sports with. Some of your high school friends may still be around. But many times you lose touch with those people. Your relationships begin to revolve around common interests, dreams and aspirations.

Our romantic relationships are no longer about infatuation but revolve around something different. They are about trust, friendship, interests and love. You begin to ask the important questions; "could I marry this person," "do you want children?" "will you protect my heart and love me through the good and the bad?" You move in with one another, share expenses and begin perhaps for the first time in your life, begin putting someone else's feelings before your own.

You will have fights, you won't always agree on things, and at times you may feel like you want to give up. This is where I believe love comes in, when even though everything is falling apart and nothing is going right, you willing to stay with that person and work things out and in the end become stronger then you were before.

If you are willing to work on your differences, this is love. This is not to say love will always work. You may live someone but it still doesn't work out. And if someone you love treats you poorly you shouldn't stay with them. Love is not a cure all and it isn't the only thing that makes a relationship work. There are many other factors needed to have a lasting relationship.

Love will not always give you a happy ending and may leave you with a broken heart. Many people believe love will always prevail like in the movies. But sometimes it only leaves you with tears. But, this doesn't mean you should give up.

I believe in love. Even failed love. It teaches us about ourselves and helps along the journey of life. It helps mold you into the person you are supposed to be. So, if you have failed love, don't shut yourself away from the world. Be willing to love again. Every time you fall in love it will be something different. Embrace it and eventually you will find the love that will fit. The one who no matter how bad things get will always work and will always be there. And remember, NEVER settle for less then you deserve <3

Our new little home

Today was an amazing day <3 Cody and I went to the park across the street from our apartment and it seriously is one of the most beautiful parks i've ever been too. There are trails you can hike through the woods, tennis courts, badmintion courts, a huge area to use weight machines, beautiful pavillions and tombs respecting the dead. They have these ponds with amazing fountains and it was just beautiful today. The fall weather was absolutely amazing. The trees leaves are starting to change colors and falling on the ground. The crunch of the leaves under my feet and the scent of the crisp fall air is one of my FAVORITE things in the entire world. And I thought to myself today how lucky I am and the life that i'm living.

I have this amazing man who supports me no matter what I do. He puts up with so many things from me that he shouldn't have to. But, he does and wears a smile on his face and continues to love me no matter what. It was so nice today to just enjoy our time with each other one on one. Without any computers or phones or television. Just him and I being him and I. We have gotten to this amazing place this week. Just being completely honest about our hopes and fears. What we need from each other. And it has brought us extremely close together.

It reminded me of a conversation I had with my Uncle John before the wedding. We basically talked about marriage and what it means and that it isn't always rainbows and butterflies. It is hard work. And sometimes it takes a lot to keep a marriage going. Sometimes you might hate a person and all you want to do is run away and not figure out the problems you are having because they are too hard. But, when I said my vows to my husband in front of our friends and families I meant it. For better or for worse. You never think that you will suffer the worst. You believe that your relationship will be the best and will withstand all things. But, guess what. . .it isn't always like that. You have to fight to keep the spark going, you have to fight for what you want and what you believe. I decided this week that i'm not someone who runs away when things get hard. I'm someone who fights, and sometimes we have to fight for the people we love the most.

I know all of our problems haven't been solved, but it feels really good to have things out on the table and to be at a place where we can talk with one another. I feel loving towards him when I see him, when he holds me, when we walk through a park together on a Sunday afternoon. I feel immensily happy to have him standing next to me. Holding my hand or just to have someone to have a conversation with. It was an amazing feeling today. I was just so happy to be here in this place.

To be brave enough to take this step in my life and know that I have the courage to do it. I've never done anything like this and never thought that I would. The rewards have been amazing. Today I stood in this park watching all these families playing with their children, seeing all these amazing, beautiful things and thought. . .OMG I can't believe I'm here. I'm in South Korea thousands and thousands miles away from my family, my support system of people. And in this entirely new place with entirely new surroundings. Learning this language and trying to figure out the culture and customs they believe in. It truly is an amazing experience and i've been so lucky and so blessed to even have this oppurtunity in my life <3

And equally blessed that I have someone so amazing to share it with. I'm so happy that Cody was able to come with me. He needed this as much as I did. To pursue his dreams and desires and wishes that he has for his life. Can I just ask a favor from people who do read this. Please, give him encouraging thoughts. That he will believe in himself enough to pursue those dreams that he most desires. He is an amazing photographer!!!! He has an eye to see these amazing things in places that might not seem that amazing. He can make something look beautiful that to the naked eye is just an ugly nut that has fallen off a tree. He just doesn't believe in himself enough to pursue that dream. Doesn't have the confidence to know that he can. And he needs to find that place! And it is so hard because I can only show him so much. The rest he has to believe for himself.

That's it for the night. It is off to bed. Good night world <3

7.5 months down, 4.5 to go

Hello all, its now April in Korea. The weather is warming up, the flowers are blooming and i'm drawing closer near to my departure date. It's hard to believe that this time last year I was starting the process to come to Korea I had made the decision to move an ocean away from all of my friends and family. Along with leaving a really good jb that I really enjoyed. But, think taking that move was extremely important for me. It wasn't an easy decision but getting the support from my friends and family helped so much in making the decision! So, to all of you thank you.

As I draw close to the end i'm realizing just how lucky I was to be able to have this experience. I've learned so many things about the person I am and the person I want to be. I realized I can do things I never thought I could do. Live in a strange new place and not being able to speak the language of all the people around me. It's so weird how quickly a person can adapt to new surroundings if they are just open to the new experience <3 I'm so happy that I was open to it all.

I've learned to be more independent and not rely on other people for my own happiness. It doesnt matter what the other people around me think about me and my life, the only person who matters is myself and what makes me happy. And being here has shown me exactly that!!! I've also met some AMAZING people here who I think will forever be my friends <3 To them, thank you so much for accepting me as the person that I am and never wanting me to change. You were all so important in helping me realize the person I want to be. During hard times you were there for me and i think you are all amazing people and I hope life gives you all the happiness that you deserve <3

Part of me is sad to think i'll be leaving here soon, but the other part knows that this is not the place for me to stay. As much as I love Korea, I miss my dogs more then anything and can not abandon them for another year. I will catch up more later with fun excitements we have had.

Sending lots of love <3

About Me

So, today in school I had my private tutoring lesson with a student named Kelly. She is a very smart 6th grade girl and we have wonderful converstations with one another. Today's topic that she had to research was "Favorite Movies" and "Used to..." Every class I give her two topics that she must research for homework, she comes into class and we discuss the topics together. It is great because I get to learn a lot about her and about Korea. And she gets experience having conversations with an English speaker.

I always get SUPER excited when a student talks about a movie I have actually seen because we get to have a real discussion on the topic. Well, her favorite movie was 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' (the new one with Johnny Depp.) So we discussed the movie and wrote on the board the plot, what happens to each child, and what happens in the end of the story. Her favorite part was when Charlie and his family moved into Willy Wonkas factory. It was evident by the fact she could explain the majority of the movie that it is a movie she has seen several times!!!

I then got to share with her one of my favorite movies of all time. 'The Notebook' <3 This is my favorite movie ever!!! As I was explaining to her (in the PG) version of what happened she was getting extremely excited, with "oh no's" and "why." You could see the true disappointment on her face when I told her that Allie and Lon get engaged. She was like "no teacher." I thought I was doing and excellent job at explaining the movie to her and she seemed so excited about it. So, I wanted to talk about this movie today.

"Well that's what we do, we fight. You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing. So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day."

This is my favorite part of the whole movie. That quote above. I just feel like this story is the epitime of true love. That someone would love you so much that even though you don't remember them they will always stay with you. I always hoped when I was younger watching this movie that I would find my Noah. And it is save to say I have <3 It makes me so happy to know that I have true love <3

All I can say is that although this love has been hard at times and we've had to work at it. Work on ourselves as people, and on ourselves as a couple. But, we have gotten to a really good place in our relationship. I had someone tell me this weekend "I miss the old Stephanie, the crazy, wild, extremely fun Stephanie." And I said, "but there isn't anything wrong with this Stephanie."

And you know what I'm realizing. That is incredibly true. I said, this Stephanie is married, has an amazing husband, a good job, is doing something she always dreamed of doing and is extremely happy. Maybe I am different now, but that isn't a bad thing. I'm incredibly happy with the person I have become. And this person said "you've grown up a lot." And I said "yes, I have." And it's a good thing too!!!

I know there are people out there who don't think it's a good thing and wish I was still the "crazy" Stephanie I used to be. But, what i've realized is that person was always just trying to be like other people and to make other people like me. I've made all these new changes for myself and for no one else. Although this last weekend was a little rough, it was worth it. I learned a lot about myself and what I want in my life. And that it's okay!!!

So, for anyone out there who misses the old Stephanie. I just ask that you try and get to know the new one. Because, I think she is pretty awesome.

That's all. I know this is all over the place, but that is how my thoughts normally come out. Good night all <3

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day!!!!

Today was Valentines Day here <3 It was a good day. I woke up this morning to Cody making me Breakfast in bed. It was super sweet. Then he surprised me with a box of chocolates and the kissy pen I wanted from Dunkin Donuts. It is pen with a set of lips at the top. When  you hit it on something it lights up and says "I love you ." Everytime we went into dunking I hinted that I wanted it. And bam...there it was. <3 

Then I had to go to work. I got my kids some candy for the special occasion and made them little goodie bags. With my younger kids we did an arts and crafts activity. Heres a pic:

   

The kids seemed to really enjoy the activity. Then we played "Kindergarten Yathzee." Each student gets a piece of paper with the numbers 2-12 on it. Then they roll a pair of dice. I made them count in English and then they put an X through the number. The first to get all numbers wins!!! They really liked it and it helps practice counting which is good. Especially at the younger ages. 

Overall, it was a good Valentines Day. I'm pretty tired and when I get home from work I will cuddle in bed with my wonderful husband. I just want the entire world to know how much I love him. He is an amazing man and I don't know what I would do without him. I love you <3 

<3 ~ Happy Valentines Day ~ <3  

 

~ Friendship ~

This concept has been difficult for me my entire life. My entire childhood, teenage years, and into most of my now adulthood I have constantly lost myself. I have constantly tried so hard to be accepted by people that I am willing to put my own happiness aside. I was always willing to change the things that I believed in and the things that I felt most strongly about. My opinions on so many things, including the most important things in my life. I don't know when it happened or why I allowed it to happen but somewhere along the way I became so entirely lost I didn't even know who I was. I didn't know what it was that made me happy or even the type of person I wanted to be.

I don't know if that is something we ever truly learn in this world. Who we are entirely, I mean it is constantly changing. Our dreams, our aspirations, what we truly want in the world. But, some fundamentals should always stay the same. Our values, the things we feel most passionate about. For example, for me I have always had a strong sense that in this world everyone is different, we can't expect everyone to be the same. And we don't need to hate other people for being different. We need to find a common ground and learn how to respect other peoples cultures, customs and beliefs. It has always been something I felt strongly about that is something I will always feel strongly about.

But, what I really want to ponder is this idea of friendship. I think for so many years i've just always tried to be what other people wanted me to be. So no one in my life has ever gotten to know the real me. Heck, I don't even know who the real me is half the time. I'm getting closer to that now though and I know what I want out of my life. Not what others what for me but what I truly want. And it is a comforting feeling. But, what to make of theses friendships, friendships that were perhaps made on a superficial level?

I have people in my life I truly care about, some people I have always considered my best friends. But, it seems like some of them couldn't care less about that friendship. I have always been willing to give and give to people. Anytime they needed me I would be there for them. And I know being a friend isn't just what you get out of a friendship and you should never expect anything from a person. But, when you feel like you are making 100% of the effort just to be continously dissapointed when do you just begin to give up? When do you just let go and cut the ties?

And then there is the above quote, "Never lose yourself while trying to hold onto someone who doesn't care about losing you." It is so true, there is such a large part of me that feels as if this person could care less if I walked out of their life. It's like the I have choosen to live no longer fits neatly into the person they wanted me to be. They seem bored in my presence and it makes a person feel really crappy. So when do you let it go? When do you say enough is enough?

That is where I am right now and it is extremely difficult having these feelings. Because I care deeply for the person. And for such a long time I have tried to fit into their lifestyle. And now, I am no longer doing that. I am happy with the lifestyle I have and I just feel like this person and I are drifting further and further apart. It's just difficult to deal with.

So on that note, I am heading to bed I am tried and have to work out in the morning!!! Good night all <3